AW MAY Blog Chain: Relationships

Posted May 30, 2011 by elizatilton in Uncategorized / 15 Comments

I love the Absolute Write blog chains. It’s a great way to meet other writers and get those creative juices flowing.

This month’s prompt: RELATIONSHIPS

Show a character’s approach to relationships in a short scene. A harmless exchange between mother and daughter? A submissive character overwhelmed by a dominant partner? A passionate lover’s quarrel? A forlorn, unrequited letter?

Use your characters’ interaction to show the dynamics of their relationship, show how they’re growing together or growing apart, or just have silly fun. Character descriptions at the beginning are forbidden this time around–let them speak or act for themselves!

I decided to use a scene, that was eventually cut, from my current MS.

Please check out the other participants and enjoy!

orion_mk3 – (link to this month’s post)
Proach – (link to this month’s post)
Yoghurtelf – (link to this month’s post)
AuburnAssassin – (link to this month’s post)
aimeelaine – (link to this month’s post)
Della Odell – (link to this month’s post)
jkellerford – (link to this month’s post)
LadyMage – (link to this month’s post)
pezie – (link to this month’s post)
xcomplex – (link to this month’s post)
Inkstrokes – (link to this month’s post)
dolores haze – (link to this month’s post)
Ralph Pines – (link to this month’s post)
juniper – (link to this month’s post)
Steam&Ink – (link to this month’s post)

     Avikar strolled around to the back of the building with his fishing-pole bouncing against his shoulder.  There he spotted Derrick, making out with a brown-haired girl.  Avikar grinned.  Derrick was shy around girls, and Avikar constantly made fun of him.  He was certain that Derrick had never kissed a girl before; this was a cause for celebration.  Avikar clapped his hands.

      Derrick froze and slowly turned around.  His eyes widened with fear when he saw Avikar.
Avikar tilted his head.  “What’s wrong? Are you upset that I interrupted?” The devilish grin he wore, faded, when his sixteen-year-old sister came into view. 

      “Nice boots, Avi,” Jeslyn said.

     Avikar glanced down at the black galoshes that went past his knees, then back up at Derrick.  His gaze darted from Derrick to Jeslyn and back again.

      He threw the pole on the ground and balled his fists.  “What are you doing with my sister?”  Avikar screamed.  His eyebrows straightened into one angry line.

     Derrick backed away from Jeslyn, holding his hands up in defense.  “Avikar, relax, let me explain.”

     “Relax, are you crazy! That’s my sister you were making out with,” Avikar yelled while circling around him. 

      Jeslyn stayed beside Derrick.  “You’re overreacting.”

     “Overreacting?  Wait until Father hears about this.  You know the rules!”

     Jeslyn pushed her shoulders back, and crossed her arms.  “This is none of your business.”

     Avikar’s nostrils flared.  “Not only are you not allowed to date, but I catch you with my best friend!”

     Derrick ushered Jeslyn to the side. “Let me talk to him.”

     The second Jeslyn was out of the way, Avikar threw a right hook with frightening speed at Derrick.  The punch landed squarely on his jaw and knocked him flat on his back. He sat on the ground dazed, holding his left eye.

      Jeslyn pushed Avikar.  “Leave him alone!” she cried.

     Avikar grabbed her by the arm. “We’re leaving, right now.” 

     Jeslyn wrestled to break free from his strong grip. “Let go of me! Why are you acting like this?”

     Avikar ignored her and glared at Derrick.  “Don’t ever talk to me again.”  And he spat on the ground.

     “Avi, no! Don’t say that.  Derrick didn’t do anything wrong.”

     “He betrayed me.”

     Jeslyn’s lip quivered. “Please, Avi, he wanted to tell you, but I asked him not to.  I knew you would tell Poppa.”

     “I don’t care.”

     Jeslyn reached for Derrick, who sat on the ground, clutching his face. “Derrick, say something.”  He kept his eyes on the dirt, afraid of the emotion that would pour out, if he looked at her.

     Avikar grabbed both her arms and pulled her away.  She stared up at him with wet eyes.

     “Avi, no, please, don’t do this.”  She begged him.  

     Avikar avoided her tearful gaze, and dragged her home, where he hoped his father would deal with this disastrous situation.  

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15 responses to “AW MAY Blog Chain: Relationships

  1. Seems to me there may be something deeper to Avi's trouble with his best friend and his sister. Wouldn't want to be in Derrick shoes. Gonna be an uncomfortable summer.

  2. I agree with Drlong67, there's more there than just an overprotective brother's knee jerk reaction. But on the plus side, good for Derrick, though his choice of girl was rather regrettable.

  3. I agree, more than an just an overprotective brother, though I wonder if the issue is really with Derrick (since he is Avi's best friend) or with his sister and dating anyone in general.

  4. How quickly "this was a cause for celebration" turns into "this disastrous situation" ! Something is definitely rumbling under the surface here.

    And how is Avikar's father going to deal with it? Punish Jeslyn?

    You're leaving us hanging here!

  5. Bad big brother issues. Although I get the feeling it is more about the two friends and their relationship than the sister. She seems like the catalyst but not the engine driving the conflict in the scene.